The Cookie Monster
Then the door opened and there it was David saw... The cookie monster! From when he was a little kid. He fed him a cookie but he ate David's hand off but there was no blood, it was pixelated. While his hand was disintegrating he slaped the cookie monster in the face with his left hand. The cookie monster got mad but then he cried then he called the WHOLE sesme street gang and teamed up on David. That was the end of David and the whole sesme street went to comton.
Cool story, but in you third sentence it gets confusing and doesn't make a lot of sense. Your second to last sentence could be made into two separate ones, and again it is a bit confusing.
ReplyDeleteYou have potential for a story but need to spend time revising and editing. Be sure to use the feedback from your peers. Many parts of your story are confusing. It will help if you read your story out loud to yourself and to others. Be sure to check over your sentences for fluency and structure.
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